Annie the Abstinence-Only Advocate

Annie the Abstinence-Only Advocate, accompanied by knit condoms
Pattern: Condom Critter
Designer: Nicole Lohr
Source: Naughty Needles
Materials: handspun, denim scraps, screws and nuts (hee!), misc. yarn

Pattern: Olde Reliable
Designer: Robyn Wade
Source: AntiCraft
Materials: misc. yarn

Annie was an abstinence advocate who toured schools in 13 contiguous US states, teaching her unique perspective on genitalia until she came to the realization that students didn't listen all that well to her. Why, most of them participated in pre-marital chicanery like masturbating and, gasp, dry-humping. So Annie went on a rampage against the rambunctuous future breeders of America, starting a misinformation campaign by handing out knitted condoms in schoolyards. Due to the lack of proper sex-ed, some students fell for it. There are now warrants out for her arrest.

Annie is on the lamb, residing at the house of a friend of mine, pretending to be a birthday gift.

I decided that would be the appropriate home for her after having earlier received the book Naughty Needles. There were "hints" written on strips of paper over a couple pages (apparently I am also supposed to show up at that door in a "cave girl" bikini).

I really ought to start investing less time into my gag gifts. This one-upped the bacon scarf of times past; not only did I knit, stuff, and sew up Annie, but I spun up the yarn I knit her with.

Yet, somehow it's all worth it when that condom critter ends up seated on a fireplace mantle, glaring down at us with gleaming metal eyes.